Hurt, pride, jealousy, indifferences were the main reasons why I’m still on the edge of love and anger.
I promised not to shed tears but it’s the one and only thing I need right now. To cry as if today would be my last. To bang my head just to face and accept the truth. The truth that almost killed me. The truth that took all the love and replace it with fears. Fear of losing the one and only person I thought who’ll stand up beside me all the way. Fear of living my life alone. Fear of seeing me not contented with what I have. Fear of not being able to open my heart again. These fears make me up at this very moment. How can I live my life when all along she holds every meaning of it? How?
I stared at the “Nullity of Marriage” and held a pen. I almost couldn’t believe that I can sign those. Pain attacked me but I signed. I’m proud of myself at the moment for not breaking down. I knew it was the end. After that, I realized that she really hasn’t seen my worth. Painful as it is, I need to free my heart. Move on. Let go and start anew. Trying to hold back the tears and that stirring ache in my chest.
I know someday, I’ll be fine. No second thoughts, no fears, no pain. Someday, I’ll just laugh at what happened. Someday, she will realize what she had done. The pain, the tears, and the slow death she’s putting on me. Someday, I’ll find someone better. Someday…